Dreams of a wannabe work-at-home-mum

Image by Heidi Furre

I just realised the immensity of my very recent life changing decision. I’ve worked full time all my adult life so I don’t even know what it’s like to be at home midweek. Even on the odd occasion I have had the opportunity to traipse through the supermarket during the day midweek, I have smiled at how novel it all feels. The other day, after realising just how exciting this move from fulltime to very part-time is going to be, I started to comprehend the extent of my newfound freedom. 

No longer working full time means I will have no more stress about trying to find school holiday care. NO MORE PALMING MY CHILD OFF EVERY DAY ON SCHOOL HOLIDAYS. That means for 14 weeks per year I won’t have to arrange childcare. It amounts to approximately 70 days that I won’t have to wake my child up early to race him out the door, on his ‘holidays’, to go some place else. He can sleep in and spend days in his pjs. I just realised the immensity of the decision I have made.

My days won’t be ruled so much by ‘time’. Sure I will have to get my child to school on time but aside from that, I am going to start living by the seat of my pants, my pyjama pants. I dream of drinking my morning coffee for however the hell long I want. I intend on staying in my pjs until noon, although I won’t be looking at the clock so who really knows what time I’ll change out of them. I'll eat boiled eggs for breakfast. I’ll eat lunch when I am hungry, and not necessarily at ‘lunchtime’. I’ll simply set an alarm for school pick up time, everything in between will be done as and when I please. Less morning routine (thank you oh sweet Universe). School pick-ups. Catching up midweek with friends. More time to write. NANA NAPS! My dog might actually get walked. Dinner cooked before 6pm. Dinner cooked full stop. I can read books midweek (well I never!). Midweek tradesmen appointments. No Mondayitis (THIS, I will celebrate each and every Monday forevermore). Getting home before dark in winter. No more peak hour traffic. Trackies and ugg boots days. Makeup free days. Midweek housecleaning (I know I know, how exciting can cleaning be? – it won’t take up one of my two days off on weekends anymore is how).

I can’t explain just how excited I am. I have dreamt about being at home during the week for years. The last couple of years it has consumed my every day, I have been envious of SAHMs and have been consciously sending the universe a little message that I too, would love to spend more time at home. It just dawned on me the other day that I will soon be a WAHM. Not that I am a big fan of labels, but you know, WAHM is one I am happy to wear.

Now, where are my pjs.

In the land of my dreams

Image by Anna Inghardt

"Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there." ~Will Rogers

I am so inspired. That fire in the belly I wrote about here is roaring with gusto and life. The spark has been ignited like never before and is burning bright. I can see the path ahead of me, clear as day. I don’t know where it leads to but I do know it will be full of excitement and inspiration. I don’t know how I know, I just do.

No more than a week ago I got the great news that I could reduce my full time day job down to part time, very part time as in two days a week. The spare days I would usually be working will be spent pursuing my love of writing. I have to admit I am not rolling in money, nor am I probably even going to be able to cover my living expenses on time at the start, but somehow I am not afraid. I am nervous with excitement, but not afraid. I was more afraid of not taking the leap and slowly dying inside living as is expected rather than how I truly want to. A wise friend told me that when we follow our authentic self and do what our heart truly desires, the money will follow. I liked that statement, I trust it. Strangely I am not afraid.

In less than a week I have booked myself into a writing course that commences in less than two weeks. I sat staring at the screen about to register myself and for a split second my false self threw in the thought of “but, it’s so soon, will you have time?” I immediately clicked on the 'register' button. My false self has no place here in the land of my dreams. No place. I also have a photography course booked with a very dear friend of mine. We will spend the day out and about with photographers, learning and being inspired. I like where this is heading.

So if you wake up one day and your false self taunts you saying you cannot follow your dreams, tell it to rack off. Of course you can. I am. And I have no back up plan, no secret savings account to fall back on, no rich daddy to throw money my way when things get tight. But I do have the fire in my belly. And I can assure you, that fire makes me feel more alive than security ever did.

So I leapt

Image by Anna Inghardt

Today was monumental. 

I have been talking for a while about putting my dream into motion. I made the conscious decision to act on my dream 7 months ago, as I wrote here. I couldn’t share too much earlier on about how I would achieve my dream as the bulk of how it would eventuate was relying on my full time job. I don’t blog about my job, I keep my personal and work life very separate, and my blog is about me on a personal level. I rarely talk about my day once I leave the office let alone write about it. However to share my joyous news I am going to partially break my own no-talking-about-work pact.

To give you an insight, I co-own a small business. I also work there full time. I have worked full time since I left high school, some ten years ago. Ok, over two decades ago (I’m 41, yeah whatever). 23 years to be exact, 23 years of full time employment. I am exhausted. I’m done. I am sociable by nature so I love going in to spend the day with my colleagues and staff, but I have reached a point where I simply want to be home more. I want to not have to spend five mornings a week rushing around preparing for my day in the office. I don't want to ride that treadmill anymore, jumping on as the alarm goes off and jumping off at bedtime every weeknight. I didn’t take maternity leave or have a year at home after my son was born, I went back to work weeks after his birth. I have missed assemblies and school excursions. I haven’t had the opportunity to pick my child up from school every day. I haven’t had the opportunity to be able to cook dinner before 6pm on weekdays. I haven’t had the opportunity to come home after the school run and enjoy my morning coffee or make my bed at a leisurely pace rather than flinging the doona over as I am trying to find something to wear. I’ve missed all that. My choice, but it hasn’t been easy.

Enter my blog. I started my blog on a whim July last year and it has been the catalyst for me realising my love of writing. I came to the realisation last year that the one thing I want to do every day is write. I want to focus on myself, my home and my child. I want to focus on spending my day pleasing my soul. I am not a ‘carer’ by nature (you know, those kinds of people who just love to mother others and love to go out of their way to make sure others are happy?) and yet I have wound up in roles whereby the majority of my responsibility was caring for others and ensuring others' needs were met. Now it’s my turn.

Today I received the best news I could have imagined. My request to change my full time management role to a part-time business role, two days a week, was granted. I cannot tell you how happy my heart is. I can’t even start to imagine what this means for me and my dream. I will have three days (maybe two, I might give myself an extra day off) to concentrate on my writing. I can take photos and get stuck into my love of food photography. I might even do that graphic design course I have been dreaming of. And I can attend school assembly if I want and pick my child up from school. I can shower at noon if I like. I probably will.

I felt terribly scared of this move when I first started to think about it. What if I don’t get enough work, what if I can’t pay my mortgage? I will, somehow I will. All I know is that if I continued on doing what my heart was no longer passionate about I would slowly die inside. And my creative soul wasn’t letting me get away with that.

So I leapt.

How to be alone

By Tanya Davis

If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren't okay with it, then just wait. You'll find it's fine to be alone once you're embracing it.

We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You're not supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there.


There's also the gym. If you're shy you can hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in. 



And there's public transportation, because we all gotta go places. 



And there's prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you're hanging with your breath, seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principals. 



The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees that only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they - like you - will be alone.


Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone. 



When you are comfortable with eat, lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You're no less intriguing a person when you're eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.


Go to the movies, where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community. 
And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one's watching...because, they're probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life's best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.


Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there’re always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might've never happened had you not been there by yourself.

Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. But lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company. But no one's in your head, and by the time you translate your thoughts some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept. 



Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cos if you're happy in your head then solitude is blessed and alone is okay.


It's okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can't think like you, for this be relieved, keeps things interesting, life’s magic things in reach. 



And it doesn't mean you aren't connected, that community’s not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. Take silence and respect it. If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. If your family doesn't get you, or a religious sect is not meant for you, don't obsess about it. 



You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it.

If your heart is bleeding make the best of it.

There is heat in freezing, be a testament.

Upward

Image by Theo Gosselin

Friendships can be a tricky thing. Most grievances I hear from others are about misunderstandings with friends, brought about mostly by disappointment in another when expectations are not met. I don’t like expectations. Expectations only ever lead to disappointment. I approach my friendships differently, I never, ever expect anything. And in return I always find I am pleasantly surprised.

I have had the same four best friends for all of my adult life. They are very different characters, with very different backgrounds and upbringings. Each of them brings joy into my life in their own very unique way. One friend I can share my deepest fears and secrets with. We can whittle away hours and hours just talking and laughing and sharing. She is the one who gets me, who really gets me. And she celebrates who I am without judgement, in fact she encourages even my silliest sides. I can call her in despair and an hour later she has reminded me of the good in any situation or consoled me through the bad. Another friend I’ve known since birth. She knows absolutely everything about my childhood and why I am the person I am today. We have history, she is the one familiar thing throughout my entire life along with my family. My third bestie is a crazy girl who I met and loved instantly as a naive and untravelled 23 year old. She would be one of my soul mates, I have learned so many life lessons from her. She was by my side during one of my darkest times of my 20s and she single-handedly kept my head above water. We don’t talk for months and yet when we get on the phone it’s like I saw her yesterday. We have been to some crazy places and done some crazy things. A true, lifelong mate. My fourth best friend is an inspiration, she aspires to be herself and I love that about her. We connect in a way best friends do, we just do. All four of these girls bring something into my life like no other, they are all unique and I often think how amazingly fortunate I am that they choose to be around me.

From my mid 20s I started to rely less on relationships. I started to enjoy my own company and found I didn’t need to be with another to be happy. Over the years I have found I enjoy my own company more and more. I love to sit at a café on my own, I like going to the cinema solo, and I can walk into a bar on my own and spend an hour by myself. No problem, I enjoy it. I often notice people rely heavily on others and find comfort in numbers, that’s not a bad thing, but it’s the total opposite to me. Whereby I love to spend hours with girlfriends and always walk away wiser and happier for it, I don’t need to be with others to enjoy my time. Christopher McCandless aka Supertramp hit the nail on the head for me with this quote: “You are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God’s place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things.” This resonates heavily with me. I think the expectation of others to make us happy is only going to wind up in disappointment. Friendships will sweeten the ride sure, but they shouldn’t be the basis of happiness in our day-to-day lives. Well so I think.

When I hit 40 I started to realise I disliked drama. I made a conscious effort to remove anything toxic from my life. There are some people and situations we cannot avoid, granted. However if I have the power to not involve myself in someone else’s drama then that’s what I will do. I avoid drama. I avoid grumblings and negativity and moods. God I hate moods. I have little time for the niceness one minute and the grumps the next, I avoid that too. And one thing I really learned when I hit 40 was that it is totally in my power to choose who I want to be around. Those folks that constantly complain about their life but do little to change it? Avoid. Those folks that gossip incessantly about their loved ones? Avoid. Those folks that belittle others to satisfy their own insecurities? Avoid. And it really is that simple. Your life, your power, your choice.

As I grow up (I am still growing) I realise time truly is precious. I don’t want to devote my time to toxic friendships or toxic people, I just don’t. And that’s okay, that’s my choice. I want to navigate my life in the direction of all that is warm and sincere. I strive to be that way myself, and I believe you do get what you dish out. So while I am not perfect, in fact far from it, I am learning, I am trying. And it is nice to know I have such beautiful, sincere friends holding my hand along the way.

When the sun comes up

Image by Gala Darling

Today I did nothing. I sat myself on the couch and spent the entire day with Belle de Jour. Ever seen Secret Diary of a Call Girl? It’s a fabulous way to pass the hours, being drawn into the secret life of a London call girl. I am not envious of her lifestyle, however her closet and décor are quite enviable and very appealing to me. I think I may be inspired a little when I next redecorate my abode.

I hate money. I hate how my lifestyle is dictated by my income. Spending the past few days doing nothing has been bittersweet. I’ve loved the chance to forget time and not have to rush and be somewhere at a certain time, but it has given me a taste of something I crave but I can’t maintain - total freedom from the reality that is financial responsibility.

I don’t wish for much. I don’t dream about flash cars or a big home. I don’t dream about expendable funds or a new closet every season, I dream about not working. Not. Working. I don’t know what that feels like anymore, I have worked for over 20 years, fulltime. I’m tired. Actually that’s an understatement, I was tired a decade ago.

On my first day off last week I left school after drop off in the morning and I got a sweet taste of freedom. I was travelling on the freeway without a care in the world. No need to be anywhere or do anything. I felt calm. I felt stress free and without responsibility. So that’s what it feels like. For that moment I didn’t need to think about tomorrow, or next week, or what I need to do to please anyone else. I was in peak hour traffic without a care in the world. Red lights meant nothing. Traffic, what traffic?

Unfortunately I was well aware at the onset of my leave that this sweet freedom wouldn’t last. Normal responsibilities resume and I have bills to pay. But until the day comes where I am not longer held hostage to money, I will keep on dreaming. 

Tightrope

Image by Silvia Sani

I have always been a deep thinker. It is my both my downfall and my strong point. In earlier days I would overthink simple scenarios and create havoc in my head. As I have grown older (and wiser) I have learned to let go of the insignificant drama, so now my deep thinking trait works in my favour. I am one of those people that needs to dissect situations in my head to fully understand them with logic and less emotion. They start off emotionally charged then over the dissection process I wind up seeing situations with logic and sensible awareness. I hate the emotional level at the onset but I always love the outcome. Clear head.

I have never been one to wallow. If something isn’t working, I change it. I have some huge changes ahead of me, I know they’re coming as I am the one putting them in place. I am afraid, I am excited, I am cautious but eager. They are changes that will take me totally out of my comfort zone, and every so often when I stop to consider it I feel my stomach flip. The fear is what drives me, the not knowing and the idea that I will be balancing the tightrope we call life without a harness or a net to catch me. It’s okay, I want to take that risk. I am ready. And I know these choices will not suit others, but that’s okay too, they are not anyone else’s choices to make. This is after all my life.

I have always considered myself a doer. I procrastinate and I dissect a lot in my head, all the time. I think way too much, I have to admit. But one thing I don’t do is plod. If shit isn’t happening, I change it. It is as complex and as simple as that. Too often I hear people whining about their situations, yet see them take no action. That pisses me off. Don’t like your life, do something about it. I know my choices won’t please everyone, heck they might not please a single soul, but I can live with that. As long as my child is warm at night and loved like no other I am happy. I will forfeit riches and comfort in the form of the old treadmill we climb upon each morning when we head out to fulfill our duties every day for true, dead set happiness. In a heartbeat. The day I stop following my heart and setting out to wake up with true passion in my soul will be the day I die inside. I don’t want to die inside. I am a doer. I have too much passion and drive to die inside.

All that from thinking.

Self-love soiree - a whole lot of nothing

Image by Raelene Gene

There is something about appearing to have all balls juggling nicely in the air. Everything is in sync, kid is fed and dressed, house is spic and span, work is done promptly and I leave the office smiling knowing all is good, to come home to dinner already prepared over the weekend as I am all over it.

And then for the other 95% of the time my ducks fall out of line. Washing is piled high, floors are filthy and kid is fed noodles for breakfast. Aside from always getting out the door in time for school and my work being completed, I pretty much fly by the seat of my pants for the rest. And you know what? I like it that way. I hate the pressure we place on ourselves to be amazing, to be organised and primped and on time and organised. I like disorganised sometimes. I like filthy floors and spending my weekend being with my boys instead. I like that this past weekend I did not undertake a single bit of housework. Zero. I enjoyed some text banter with friends, some long chinwags on the phone, some reading and writing, and lots of nothing. I put a load of washing in at 10pm on Sunday night (because I seriously had to) and I may have watered the gardens. That’s it.

Every so often it’s okay to drop one of those balls. I think it is actually healthy. I made a conscious decision last weekend to not worry about the abode, and I spent more time focusing on my family. When my niece came to visit I sat next to her on the lounge and we talked iPad apps. For once I wasn’t cooking and cleaning and organising my life, I was talking to her. And it felt wonderful. The house looks a mess now but do I care? Not really.

There is always tomorrow.

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And so another linky for my self-love lovers. It's super easy - do something wonderful for yourself and write about it. Or group some photos of small moments that have brought you joy this week, whatever has made you smile. Add my button (code is below) to your post and pop your link in below. Then head on over and check out another self-love lover and share in their joy. Let's spread the smiles!

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Self-love soiree - photography love

Whenever I talk about self-love I often mention that the act of self-love does not necessarily involve material things. It is my belief that self-love is more about taking responsibility for yourself and making time to do things that bring you most joy, rather than spoiling yourself with material possessions. Although I do know acquiring material possessions can also bring one joy.

A lot of girls I know get very excited about shopping trips. I personally don’t get my kicks from clothes shopping, in fact I loathe it. I hate the time it takes and I hate being stuck inside a mall when I could be outside enjoying the fresh air. I also hate the idea of having to try stuff on, for me it is more a time-wasting chore that I avoid. I do however find joy in grocery shopping – I look forward to my Saturday morning supermarket aisle time. I think it is more about the way I spend it not rushing and can just be alone with my thoughts and my shopping trolley. Odd I know.

A material possession which brings me great joy however is my camera. I find myself propelled into a happy space when I am behind the lens, for me it is a wonderful outlet for my creative side. I can spend hours, literally hours, setting up props and tweaking the lighting to take photos of food. Putting aside tasks and chores to spend an entire Sunday morning taking photos is my little bit of self-love. And one I thoroughly enjoyed this week.

I decided, after many months of deliberation, that I would spoil myself and get my hands on a macro lens. I knew it would make my photos pop, but I had no idea just how much. I am still in the very, very early learning stages of photography, I need many lessons and experience yet to be anywhere near ‘good’ enough in a technical sense, but I love the way it transforms me into creative me. I was anxious about spending money on a new lens, I know this hobby could get very expensive. But I used the excuse that it is my birthday this week. And so the guilt of spending that money on a lens gradually diminished. And then the first (unedited) photos propelled me into self-love bliss.

Sometimes I need to remind myself that splurging on something that isn’t necessarily ‘useful’ but more something I ‘want’ is okay. My husband and I are both very focused on paying bills and reducing debt, mostly what we earn goes towards our mortgage and practical things for our home. We drive very old cars as we’re reluctant to commit to car finance. In some ways I am proud of that, but very occasionally I need to remind myself that we work our butts off and we deserve to spend on ourselves too. So this week I did.

And damn it feels good.

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And so another linky for my self-love lovers. It's super easy - do something wonderful for yourself and write about it. Or group some photos of small moments that have brought you joy this week, whatever has made you smile. Add my button (code is below) to your post and pop your link in below. Then head on over and check out another self-love lover and share in their joy. Let's spread the smiles!

<a href="http://cakecrumbsbeachsand.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1099.photobucket.com/albums/g384/cakecrumbsbeachsand/Selflovebutton-3.jpg " border="0" alt="cake crumbs and beach sand" /></a>

cake crumbs & beach sand's self-love soiree

What is self-love exactly? Some people think it is narcissism, but it isn’t. It is about self-awareness and taking responsibility for oneself. It is respecting yourself and knowing your own limits and boundaries. I feel self-love on some level is essential for a healthy life balance. And as a full-time working mum I know self-love is imperative to maintaining sanity and self-worth. If I don’t love and respect myself, no-one else will either!

I have no trouble putting my own needs ahead of others'. I am not talking about my family, their needs are paramount and always come an equal first with my own. I am talking about sometimes saying no to invitations, setting boundaries and openly voicing them with others to ensure others are aware of my boundaries. I believe when it comes to our own needs clarity and consistency is our own responsibility, and we each have the individual power to assert it. And what if others don’t like it? Tough.

I fill my every weekend with self-love. My two days off are mine to spend with my family, everything else comes second. This weekend my house chores came second. Or maybe third or even fourth. I looked around and pondered about what I could do, what small amount of cleaning would make the abode look decent again, and then promptly packed the boot of the car with towels and boogie boards and headed for the beach. Funnily enough the mess is still there, and I don’t care. I am still daydreaming about how beautiful the beach was, and the laughs and chatter with my family filled my soul with love. A clean house would never do that.

What did you do for yourself this past week that filled your heart with joy? Did you take time to do something that makes you smile? Did you put aside the chores to do something fun instead?

This is the first of my self-love soiree link-ups, please don’t leave me hanging. Share something with me, ANYTHING! Heck you can post a photo of a cup of coffee if you like, trust me, I will enjoy it. 

Grab my button link below and add it to your post, then link it up baby! And please, if someone other than me does link up, head over and say hello.  

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A new sunrise

It’s a grand old life we lead, surrounded with so many opportunities to succeed. We are presented with a new sunrise every single morning, a new day to handle whichever way we choose. We have food, a roof over our head, family, love, support, life. We can laugh, sing, skip to whatever rhythm our heart desires. We have choices.

Some days when I feel blue I try to focus on this. I imagine what life would be like without a full pantry and fridge, a comfy, warm bed, a family that no matter what happens, loves me unconditionally. I can’t imagine it, as I have never lived it. From as young as I can remember I have felt love and life. I thank my lucky stars for the life I have been granted, I know I am fortunate. Does it mean I don’t suffer grief, loss, sadness, pain, anger, hurt and sometimes self-doubt and self-loathing? No it doesn’t. I too suffer all of this despite the beautifully positive life I lead. But I make that choice to lead my life the best I can with the best that I have. I know I am lucky. Very lucky. I know my opportunities are abundant and my choices are plentiful. For that I am very grateful, and humble.

Life is what you make it. I choose to make mine positive, happy, fun loving and adventurous. I don’t make too many plans as I love to wake up and decide what I feel like doing on the day. I enjoy the small moments. I take in the small moments. I smile as often as I can, sometimes to myself. I laugh a lot. I enjoy quiet moments. I refuse to be reduced by negativity around me and avoid it whatever it takes. It may make me seem complacent to some, but that is my choice. I choose positivity. I choose happiness.

I choose life.

Don't mind if I rest awhile

I don’t do sickly well. I rarely get the flu, if I get a head cold it usually passes after a day or two, and I get headaches every other day but you won’t hear me complain about them. I am a healthy person, for which I am very, very grateful.

Sometimes however I don’t listen to my body when it tells me to slow down. Like yesterday for instance, I really felt like crap. Pounding head, could barely keep my eyes open and for a split second I actually put my head on my desk and contemplated having a quick nap. Did I go home and jump into bed like I could have? Nope. I soldiered on and did what I normally do.

I'm often envious of people who take rest when they know they need it, spending the day in bed eating chicken soup watching Sex and the City reruns – I wish I could do that (I know I can but I don’t). Not that I wish to get sick (no universe, that is NOT my wish) but I wish that when I did feel under the weather I could just bite the bullet and accept I need to rest. And take it. I have learned over the years to put the brakes on to maintain balance by not taking on too much, I just need to apply the same tactic to knowing when to stop and rest when my health isn't its usual self.

A few weeks ago I got a cold (I call it a cold but I’d say with the body aches and pains and week long headache it was more like the flu) and every morning I got up with a head full of snot, sneezing and spluttering, pounding head and yet I went to work. I was trying to will the illness out of me – ‘tomorrow it will be gone’. It wasn’t gone tomorrow, it stayed an entire seven or eight tomorrows! That weekend I went to do my grocery shopping and halfway around the supermarket I was wondering ‘Why on earth am I not flaked out on the lounge?’ Seriously, I didn’t have to get groceries, we always have a well-stocked fridge and pantry. And if I mentioned to my husband that I wasn’t feeling well he would have gone for me. I can’t really explain why I feel the need to soldier on, I know what I need to do can wait, but I just find it hard to break that mindset. I am pretty sure it has something to do with my Mum, her and her dominant non-stop gene.

Back to yesterday. I came home with full intention of flaking out, of course I didn’t. At 11pm I finally got myself to bed even though I felt like climbing in at 7pm. I thought about slothing on the lounge and spending the night watching TV, but since I don’t watch TV I wound up finding other things to do. I know if I had a virus only weeks ago chances are it is still lingering, and I need to accept the fact rest is the best medicine. As I struggled to get up this morning I promised myself I would get an early night tonight. I know it is up to me to break this die-hard cycle and get into the habit of taking the rest when I need and want it. Maybe tonight. After all, aren't I the first to say we all need to practice a little self-love now and again? 

Are you good at telling yourself to rest when you know you really need it? Or do you soldier on thinking there is too much to do and spending time in bed is not an option?