So I leapt

Image by Anna Inghardt

Today was monumental. 

I have been talking for a while about putting my dream into motion. I made the conscious decision to act on my dream 7 months ago, as I wrote here. I couldn’t share too much earlier on about how I would achieve my dream as the bulk of how it would eventuate was relying on my full time job. I don’t blog about my job, I keep my personal and work life very separate, and my blog is about me on a personal level. I rarely talk about my day once I leave the office let alone write about it. However to share my joyous news I am going to partially break my own no-talking-about-work pact.

To give you an insight, I co-own a small business. I also work there full time. I have worked full time since I left high school, some ten years ago. Ok, over two decades ago (I’m 41, yeah whatever). 23 years to be exact, 23 years of full time employment. I am exhausted. I’m done. I am sociable by nature so I love going in to spend the day with my colleagues and staff, but I have reached a point where I simply want to be home more. I want to not have to spend five mornings a week rushing around preparing for my day in the office. I don't want to ride that treadmill anymore, jumping on as the alarm goes off and jumping off at bedtime every weeknight. I didn’t take maternity leave or have a year at home after my son was born, I went back to work weeks after his birth. I have missed assemblies and school excursions. I haven’t had the opportunity to pick my child up from school every day. I haven’t had the opportunity to be able to cook dinner before 6pm on weekdays. I haven’t had the opportunity to come home after the school run and enjoy my morning coffee or make my bed at a leisurely pace rather than flinging the doona over as I am trying to find something to wear. I’ve missed all that. My choice, but it hasn’t been easy.

Enter my blog. I started my blog on a whim July last year and it has been the catalyst for me realising my love of writing. I came to the realisation last year that the one thing I want to do every day is write. I want to focus on myself, my home and my child. I want to focus on spending my day pleasing my soul. I am not a ‘carer’ by nature (you know, those kinds of people who just love to mother others and love to go out of their way to make sure others are happy?) and yet I have wound up in roles whereby the majority of my responsibility was caring for others and ensuring others' needs were met. Now it’s my turn.

Today I received the best news I could have imagined. My request to change my full time management role to a part-time business role, two days a week, was granted. I cannot tell you how happy my heart is. I can’t even start to imagine what this means for me and my dream. I will have three days (maybe two, I might give myself an extra day off) to concentrate on my writing. I can take photos and get stuck into my love of food photography. I might even do that graphic design course I have been dreaming of. And I can attend school assembly if I want and pick my child up from school. I can shower at noon if I like. I probably will.

I felt terribly scared of this move when I first started to think about it. What if I don’t get enough work, what if I can’t pay my mortgage? I will, somehow I will. All I know is that if I continued on doing what my heart was no longer passionate about I would slowly die inside. And my creative soul wasn’t letting me get away with that.

So I leapt.