Tightrope

Image by Silvia Sani

I have always been a deep thinker. It is my both my downfall and my strong point. In earlier days I would overthink simple scenarios and create havoc in my head. As I have grown older (and wiser) I have learned to let go of the insignificant drama, so now my deep thinking trait works in my favour. I am one of those people that needs to dissect situations in my head to fully understand them with logic and less emotion. They start off emotionally charged then over the dissection process I wind up seeing situations with logic and sensible awareness. I hate the emotional level at the onset but I always love the outcome. Clear head.

I have never been one to wallow. If something isn’t working, I change it. I have some huge changes ahead of me, I know they’re coming as I am the one putting them in place. I am afraid, I am excited, I am cautious but eager. They are changes that will take me totally out of my comfort zone, and every so often when I stop to consider it I feel my stomach flip. The fear is what drives me, the not knowing and the idea that I will be balancing the tightrope we call life without a harness or a net to catch me. It’s okay, I want to take that risk. I am ready. And I know these choices will not suit others, but that’s okay too, they are not anyone else’s choices to make. This is after all my life.

I have always considered myself a doer. I procrastinate and I dissect a lot in my head, all the time. I think way too much, I have to admit. But one thing I don’t do is plod. If shit isn’t happening, I change it. It is as complex and as simple as that. Too often I hear people whining about their situations, yet see them take no action. That pisses me off. Don’t like your life, do something about it. I know my choices won’t please everyone, heck they might not please a single soul, but I can live with that. As long as my child is warm at night and loved like no other I am happy. I will forfeit riches and comfort in the form of the old treadmill we climb upon each morning when we head out to fulfill our duties every day for true, dead set happiness. In a heartbeat. The day I stop following my heart and setting out to wake up with true passion in my soul will be the day I die inside. I don’t want to die inside. I am a doer. I have too much passion and drive to die inside.

All that from thinking.