Monday, 14 May 2012

When the sun comes up


Image by Gala Darling

Today I did nothing. I sat myself on the couch and spent the entire day with Belle de Jour. Ever seen Secret Diary of a Call Girl? It’s a fabulous way to pass the hours, being drawn into the secret life of a London call girl. I am not envious of her lifestyle, however her closet and d├ęcor are quite enviable and very appealing to me. I think I may be inspired a little when I next redecorate my abode.

I hate money. I hate how my lifestyle is dictated by my income. Spending the past few days doing nothing has been bittersweet. I’ve loved the chance to forget time and not have to rush and be somewhere at a certain time, but it has given me a taste of something I crave but I can’t maintain - total freedom from the reality that is financial responsibility.

I don’t wish for much. I don’t dream about flash cars or a big home. I don’t dream about expendable funds or a new closet every season, I dream about not working. Not. Working. I don’t know what that feels like anymore, I have worked for over 20 years, fulltime. I’m tired. Actually that’s an understatement, I was tired a decade ago.

On my first day off last week I left school after drop off in the morning and I got a sweet taste of freedom. I was travelling on the freeway without a care in the world. No need to be anywhere or do anything. I felt calm. I felt stress free and without responsibility. So that’s what it feels like. For that moment I didn’t need to think about tomorrow, or next week, or what I need to do to please anyone else. I was in peak hour traffic without a care in the world. Red lights meant nothing. Traffic, what traffic?

Unfortunately I was well aware at the onset of my leave that this sweet freedom wouldn’t last. Normal responsibilities resume and I have bills to pay. But until the day comes where I am not longer held hostage to money, I will keep on dreaming. 

10 comments:

  1. Enjoy the rest of your leave, Peggy.
    I'm with you - I've never dreamt of labels, riches, hi-tech gadgets, huge homes etc.
    Just enough to alleviate the stress and pressure of financial strain would be bliss!
    :-) x

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    1. Agree, agree, agree Shar! I envy SAHMs...one day. :)

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  2. We've got to have dreams Peggy, they're what keep us going.
    Enjoy the break while you can.

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    1. Thank you Nat, enjoying it while I can. Without dreams we're lifeless, well at least I am!

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  3. Oh gosh Peggy that's so spot on. It's funny we crave the life many mothers had years ago, including mine, of not having to work.

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    1. My Mum worked for as long as I can remember, so my envy comes from seeing friends that don't 'work' outside of the home. Very envious.

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  4. For a while I believed I needed to keep up with everyone & have all the material possessions. It came from outside influence not my own core beliefs but I was silly enough to be taken in. Over the last few years those influences are no longer in my day to day life & what I want & believe is surfacing again. I'm not afraid to say I want less. I don't crave the new car, the big house, the overseas holidays, the constant consuming of things I don't want or need. I want to sell our big house with the huge morgage for something smaller. I want to stop working & be the person who collects my boys each day from school & is there ALL school holidays. I want to be home during the day to bake from scratch, make things, potter in our garden. I want to be a SAHM, a homemaker, just a wife. I dream of a simpler life. But it is just a dream. For now we are keeping the big house, I will continue to work & juggle the kids & I will still do those things I love just on a much smaller scale, not everyday but maybe each week or so.... I try not to let it bug me because at least now I'm chasing MY dream not what others are telling me I should be chasing.

    Enjoy your time out Peggy xx

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    1. I agree Reannon, I want all of that which you mention - the SAHM stuff. I crave it. I have often wondered how nice it must be to grow old (ie retire) and not having to worry about working anymore. And how wonderful that you are chasing your own dream. Let others have their flash cars and bigger houses if that is what makes them happy. You chase your own dream. :) xo

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  5. P.s I love Secret Diary of a Call Girl too! Such a fun way to spend some time :)

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    1. I have season 4 downloaded and ready for my next day on the couch. CAN'T WAIT! xo

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