When the sun comes up

Image by Gala Darling

Today I did nothing. I sat myself on the couch and spent the entire day with Belle de Jour. Ever seen Secret Diary of a Call Girl? It’s a fabulous way to pass the hours, being drawn into the secret life of a London call girl. I am not envious of her lifestyle, however her closet and décor are quite enviable and very appealing to me. I think I may be inspired a little when I next redecorate my abode.

I hate money. I hate how my lifestyle is dictated by my income. Spending the past few days doing nothing has been bittersweet. I’ve loved the chance to forget time and not have to rush and be somewhere at a certain time, but it has given me a taste of something I crave but I can’t maintain - total freedom from the reality that is financial responsibility.

I don’t wish for much. I don’t dream about flash cars or a big home. I don’t dream about expendable funds or a new closet every season, I dream about not working. Not. Working. I don’t know what that feels like anymore, I have worked for over 20 years, fulltime. I’m tired. Actually that’s an understatement, I was tired a decade ago.

On my first day off last week I left school after drop off in the morning and I got a sweet taste of freedom. I was travelling on the freeway without a care in the world. No need to be anywhere or do anything. I felt calm. I felt stress free and without responsibility. So that’s what it feels like. For that moment I didn’t need to think about tomorrow, or next week, or what I need to do to please anyone else. I was in peak hour traffic without a care in the world. Red lights meant nothing. Traffic, what traffic?

Unfortunately I was well aware at the onset of my leave that this sweet freedom wouldn’t last. Normal responsibilities resume and I have bills to pay. But until the day comes where I am not longer held hostage to money, I will keep on dreaming.