Be kind to your boss.

** Disclaimer – this is not directly or indirectly about any individual I have worked with, it is about me and my account on behaviour related to being a supervisor/manager. If you have worked with me in the past, this is not intended as a message to you. As for my current staff, if you are reading this please know you are absolute angels. Also, you are already kind enough. 

..........................................................................

Throughout my 23 years of working I have experienced aspects of staff management from both ends of the spectrum – I have been managed and I have been a manager. While I don’t like to write about my ‘job’ on my blog (this is about me, not my job) I would like to share my insight on how it looks from a manager’s perspective. You know, in case you have never been one and are wondering. Also if you have a boss they may appreciate your newfound knowledge and acts of kindness that may follow as a result of your newfound knowledge.

I have supervised staff from when I was 23 and worked in the casino. Something you may not know about me, I was a croupier, and then an inspector (she who supervises croupiers) and I have worked on a cruise ship as a pit manager (she who supervises the inspectors). I loved working in casinos, not only did it open my mind to a whole other world I got to work with some amazing people. It was probably my favourite job to date after writing.

The difference in supervising in a casino environment to an office environment is you supervise hundreds of staff, not the same staff daily. I think I enjoyed this type of management most as you get to work with such a broad array of personalities and I learnt so much about people. I am a very, VERY good judge of character, I credit this to my casino days. Also as a result of having to deal with various personalities (staff and punters) I am also incredibly thick skinned, I am rarely offended.

One thing I didn’t understand as one who is supervised that I do now is, the person supervising has a lot more on their plate than the one being supervised realises. With increased responsibility comes, well, increased responsibility. While a manager needs to undertake their own role be it manage a business and take care of accounts/clients/debtors/creditors/staff/all of the above etc etc etc, or purely manage staff, there are a multitude of responsibilities the supervised aren’t privy to, and won’t ever be. On any given day a manager may have requests from clients, deadlines to meet, month end, payroll, contracts and manuals to research and draft, and then throw in grievances, more requests from clients and staff needs to be met. While a manager gets remunerated accordingly for the extra work, with that comes extra responsibilities. And often a lot of them!

While we spend half of our week at work we can often think it is all about us, about ‘me’. Well I can assure you, it isn’t. Yes chances are, as an employee, you make up a very large proportion of the picture, but there is still a much bigger picture that involves all of the above and then some. On top of that, you may sometimes think your boss doesn’t care, of course they do. They are just like you, blood and bones and EVERYTHING, but they also have deadlines and demands and surprise, surprise, a life.

I have had the extreme pleasure of working with some of the most inspiring and kindest people I have ever met. My ongoing personal relationships with some of the staff I have supervised and managed over the past two decades is testament to how much they have impacted on my life during our working days together. I have grown very fond of people I have previously (and currently) supervised, I respect the work ethic of many much younger than me that I have had the pleasure of working with.

Be kind to your boss. When you down tools and go home to your family at the end of your day, chances are your boss is still thinking about you well into the night. While they may not be physically able to fix your problems instantly, they are trying. They are. And even though they have constraints (and believe me there are always constraints) they are trying to solve that issue for you, in their own way, in their own time. It may not be instant or perfect to you, but they are trying.

Tolerance. Kindness. Acceptance.

Some time ago a friend and I were talking about beaches in Perth. My friend mentioned that she doesn’t fancy my favourite beach as she feels there is pressure to look fabulous on said beach. She was under the impression that beach goers were constantly ogling others and therefore a beach trip for her turned into stressful, as she felt she needed to have her hair looking primped and she needed to be dressed in such a way that she would fit in with the ‘cool crowd’. Last week I had another conversation with another friend about the pressure to look good on the beach in a bathing suit. We got to talking about ‘mature’ women in bikinis and whether it is acceptable to still wear a bikini when the body no longer resembles that of a 20-something.

I got to thinking about our conversation. Who determines what is acceptable and what is appropriate in our society when it comes to appearance? I don’t look into my closet in the morning wondering what to wear to please the masses, I put on what pleases me. I wear clothes that make me feel good. What others think is not my business, it is theirs. And so back to the point about mature women wearing bathers or a bikini, shouldn’t they do it for themselves and not be concerned about complete strangers at the beach who may or may not care what others are wearing? I certainly don’t spend my time on the beach looking at others and judging what they are wearing, I barely even notice others (yes I live in a bubble)! I am way too busy enjoying quality time with my family to be concerned about whether another woman is fit enough to wear a bikini. In fact on the contrary, if someone does stand out to me on the beach it is usually someone who looks happy and confident, irrespective of their age or body shape.

There seems to be an ongoing debate in the media about acceptance of our body shapes. I don’t buy into it. I don’t really care. I think if the individual is comfortable, happy and healthy (or not if that is their choice) then great. To have these discussions and to read such articles only enters into the debate further, and it isn’t something I really wish to engage in. There are a lot of gaudy and what society has taken upon itself to deem ‘inappropriate’ outfits walking around, does that affect me? Not in the slightest.

The need to judge others on their appearance is something that I witnessed at school, I am slightly baffled as to why, as a mature thinking adult, it still goes on. I was laughed at for shaving the side of my head in high school (Rihanna is applauded for it now, no? Who knew I was a 14 year old trendsetter decades ahead of my time!) and I remember the anxiety and embarrassment I felt. I don't want to instill that kind of embarrassment on others, just because they choose to look and dress differently to what I do. Good on them, I don't want anyone to look and dress like me!

When did our society become so intolerant? Is it our business to judge or be concerned with what others are wearing? I think not. I’d rather put that energy into something a little more constructive like this for instance. Or this.

But that’s just me.

You can never have too much kindness.

Today I was circling the supermarket carpark patiently, like all the other drivers, trying to find a vacant car bay. At one point I stopped to let a pedestrian and her elderly friend cross. A few turns later I happened to stumble across the same couple entering their car. The driver called out to me, “Here you go, one good deed deserves another.” Warm fuzzies. Then after doing my grocery shopping I was heading to my car and spotted a driver slowly approaching looking for a spot, I motioned to my car to let him know he could have my bay. As I was loading my boot with my shopping he got out of his car, came and grabbed my trolley and offered to pop it into the trolley bay. Gosh some people are just too kind!

I have met some very kind people since I started blogging. I receive email from people sharing their thoughts on blog posts I have written or just to say hello. One blogger I have become connected to is Teresa from Amelie in Wonderland. Teresa has been a constant source of encouragement and support in my writing quests and she is always there cheering me on from the sidelines. She offers the most amazing advice and ideas, I find her such an inspiration.

Right before Christmas we had been discussing sending each other gifts. I discovered Teresa shared my love of Marimekko, so I bought her an Unikko design mousepad after seeing she had completed an office reno. At the same time Teresa was artistically creating something for me out of Unikko fabric as well, and right before Christmas this lovely little parcel arrived.

How adorable is Teresa. Not only had she dedicated time to creating these beautiful items, she had put so much thought into it. A writer’s mat made out of Unikko fabric, with a plastic underside to place on the grass. A little soap pouch (or a mobile phone holder) in the same fabric, with beautiful smelling soap inside. An adorable whimsical Christmas stocking made lovingly out of Unikko fabric (our tree has never looked so fashionable!), I wish I remembered to photograph it hanging from the tree! And a cover for the writer’s mat which doubles as a laptop sleeve. Just gorgeous.

So in all the craziness of our world it is reassuring to know kind people still exist. People that will take time out of their own day to do something thoughtful for another. That something thoughtful can completely make one’s day, and just as I had left the supermarket smiling at the kindness that I had witnessed today, Teresa’s totally selfless gesture left me smiling for weeks.

Thank you Teresa, I am truly thrilled to have (cyber) met you.

Grateful for the kindness of fellow bloggers

I have previously written about the awesome community I have found myself in the middle of in the blogosphere. There are some seriously generous and kindhearted folk out there! I have discovered that if you want help or advice, all you have to do is ask.

I have been harping on about my very first eBook for the past few weeks (or months?) now. The support from my fellow bloggers has been amazing, just amazing. I have had an offer from two lovely ladies to read my eBook prior to launch and even write testimonials. I am rapt, their generosity is just refreshing. I am sure Stacey from Veggie Mama and Deb from Home Life Simplified may be regretting offering to help since I am now badgering them to no end, but I am a happy little blogger. And soon to be eBook author.

Furthermore, I have been eagerly trying to find information online about writing articles and how to find writing work. After brief contact with Sarah of Ah, the Possibilities on twitter and Facebook last week I decided to email her and ask her a few questions, knowing she is a freelance writer. She very kindly, and promptly, answered my questions and gave me some very useful tips. Full of kindness and generosity.

Grateful for the community I find myself in and for the other bloggers in it.

Speaking of other bloggers, why not hop over to Maxabella loves and read some other grateful posts. 

 {image source: Pinterest}

Don't let them go it alone.

Some days I really hate the burden that comes with being intuitive. I pick up on others’ moods way too easily, often before the other person is willing to admit they are in a mood. I am too easily affected by moods around me. I am working on not taking on others’ moods but I really struggle with trying to ignore them.

On the flip side my intuition keeps me very aware of what is going on around me. I can pick up the general atmosphere in a group or crowd, I can read a person’s mood sometimes at a glance (and then keep my distance if I can) and I can also sense when someone close isn’t feeling the best.

I am a bubbly person by nature. I don’t do glum too well, I forgive quickly as I cannot be bothered wasting time being angry, and I hate feeling blue. But when I am feeling blue I know I can feel terribly lonely. And I have pinpointed this feeling of loneliness being mostly in my own head. I am surrounded by loved ones and dear friends who contact me frequently, I am never truly alone. A few months ago on the day of my grandmother’s funeral, one of my longest and best friends sent me a simple text with a smiley face and kisses, letting me know I was not alone. That’s all it takes; a gesture, a small reminder. In my happiest moments I know I am not alone, however in my darkest moments my mind tries to tell me otherwise. If I feel this way I suspect when my dearest are feeling down they are also feeling alone. This is where I love my intuition.

I made a pact with myself around the time I turned 40 (hello project self-development) that I would stop guessing and start asking. If I sense a loved one is feeling down, I ask. I try not to come across as nosy but I approach in a way that is not too assertive yet direct, and I ask. Showing someone you care and that you notice they need support, or a shoulder to lean on, can make a difference in their day. In our darkest moments we do naturally feel alone. Letting loved ones know they are never, ever alone can only reassure them during their darkest moments that we are present.

My brother had a life-changing motorcycle accident almost 8 years ago. The accident transformed him from an able-bodied man to a wheelchair bound man. Before you start picturing a man who is now restricted, don’t. Anyone that knew my cheeky brother before his accident would say not much has changed. He is still the same cheeky, self-motivated, active man he was 7 years ago. He may even be cheekier! However in the months following his accident I found myself feeling distraught with finding ways to comfort him. How could I make him feel better about the loss of the use of his legs? How could I make it all go away? How could I get him to walk again? I even contacted an organisation overseas that guarantees some improvement in the use of limbs following spinal injury. I emailed them and I asked how could they get my brother walking again. My brother is very similar to me, he is extremely positive. Not much gets him down. But in the months following his accident there was a huge adjustment on his part, a huge life adjustment. In that period I struggled with knowing how to comfort him and how to let him know he would be alright. The fact is, so I discovered, sometimes you simply can’t fix problems and you can’t promise the person standing beside you hurting that everything will be alright. You can however, put your arm around them and let them know you are there. Whatever they are going through, they have your support. It won’t take their pain away, however it will show them they are not alone. I know that arm around my shoulder has helped me through many dark moments.

If you suspect someone is down, ask. Hug them and let them know you are there. You don’t have to solve their problem or give them the right answers. You will never know how much you just being there will help them through their difficult moment. And for heaven’s sake, don’t ever just assume someone is ok if they are smiling but you feel otherwise. Listen to your intuition. You might just make someone’s day that little bit nicer during a difficult time by letting them know they are not alone.

{Image source: Pinterest}

Frills & fluff over in my corner

Recently I have been exposed to anonymous comments on blogs that I love to read. Not nice anonymous comments, narky, snarly, catty comments. I even hate typing those words. Two blogs in particular that I am very fond of, BabyMac and A baby called Max, were both recently subjected to ridiculous anonymous comments about what they should or shouldn’t post on their own blogs. Because you know, bloggers really shouldn’t post what the anonymous nasty folk of the internet don’t like to read, on their own blogs.

There is nothing wrong with sharing your thoughts and opinions on things you read in blog posts that affect you, but I personally like to keep it kind, without assumption and definitely not insulting. Commenting on a blogger's weight, looks and criticising what people post on their own blog is just absurd. I would never go up to someone I barely know face-to-face (and I assume the negative anons of the world wouldn’t either) and offload my assumptions on their behaviour. If I was that affected by someone’s behaviour in the real world that I felt compelled to comment, I would do it with integrity and kindness. And certainly not hiding behind a mask, which ultimately is what commenting in a negative fashion as ‘anonymous’ on the internet is. Hiding.

I have in past years been very opinionated about what others do and say, and have even commented to others in a negative sense. However I have most recently found it feels so much nicer to not judge and not comment negatively. Not letting the unnecessary and negative thoughts enter my mind is so liberating. Not having to critique that which doesn’t even affect me leaves space to enjoy more positive thoughts.

My blog is all about me sharing the beautiful things. Yes I enjoy a thought provoking read or post like the next person however I have had more than my fair share of drama in my life that I do not intend to breed drama on my blog. This is my space to write when and what I like. It is my little place to delve and escape. I do not want the negativity sniffing around in the form of a miserable comment troll. All bloggers have the right to publish whatever they like on THEIR blog, so if someone feels they would like to comment and cannot keep it kind, why not put a name to it? If you stand by what you are about to write, then stand by it, as you. It amazes me that there are people that feel the need to blurt out insults behind an anon title. Name yourself. Be yourself. After all, isn’t that what commenting is about, sharing YOUR opinion? Do it with integrity and be proud of your opinion, with your name attached.

I encourage readers to comment on my blog, in fact I thoroughly enjoy reading what others have to say regardless of whether I know the person or not. I may not always agree, although most often I will. However if the negative anons of the www feel like trolling around cake crumbs & beach sand take my advice and don’t. You won’t like what I have to share; it is all frills and fluff. I’ll save you the time and energy up front and let you know I will be real and I will be me. Positive, optimistic me. And, I have zero interest in negativity or comments of the destructive kind. So if you really feel the need to share your negative opinion on something I have written, email me. Then we can have a one-on-one exchange on your thoughts. Or, I can completely ignore you.

** note: I love a healthy debate and can openly take constructive criticism or opinions that differ widely from my own. I admire those that have the courage to think and speak differently. With their name attached. 

{image source: Pinterest}

Whatever happened to good old fashioned kindness?

It’s funny how the universe blogosphere works. Today as I was driving home from work I had heavy heart thinking about the ever-increasing intolerance in our society. I have recently been hearing comments and opinions on various forms of religion and race and culture, that quite honestly make me want to punch someone in the throat (and I am not violent by nature). I could list a few of my least favourite comments word for word, which is scary. That's proof that I am hearing comments with a similar underlying ignorance about the same subjects over and over again. Scary.

Part of me was wanting to share my despair at the ever-increasing comments and opinions which I personally think reek of ignorance and intolerance, on my blog. The other part of me was thinking, “Didn’t I start my blog to share all things beautiful?”. Then I get online to see Maxabella loves’ post about over-styled blogs, asking bloggers to ‘let it all hang out’. How’s that for a sign! So here I am, letting it all hang out, sharing my heavy-heartedness with my 8 followers and hopefully a few more readers.

When I was a kid I had friends from all racial backgrounds and believers of all religions, still do. I remember, as a kid, not thinking anyone was any different to me, no matter how they looked or what their beliefs were. Still don't. And yet now as an adult I am hearing opinions that quite honestly baffle me. How did we, as a society, become so intolerant of our neighbour? Whatever happened to good old fashioned kindness? Tolerance? Acceptance?

I was discussing this very thing with a friend of mine who shares a similar perspective as I do on this subject. She said she feels it is an injustice to let people continue to think in an ignorant manner and feels she should educate them on the truth, the facts. She does however know she cannot do much to change their outlook therefore she is learning to 'let it go'. I could not have said it better myself. It is an injustice, and I just thank my little woolly socks I was born and raised to display tolerance and kindness and acceptance. Thank you Mum.

I have always been the one on the sidelines cheering for the underdog. I like people that are different. I respect all choices of religion and belief. I have no fear of the unknown when it comes to culture and if I want to know I will ask. Otherwise I will remain open-minded to all and accept those that are different to me. And as for the comments I find disturbing, I will learn to let it go.

Keeping it Kind

Over the years I have come to realise that nothing digs so deep as nastiness. I am ashamed to say I have been responsible for it – gossip, a sarcastic remark or two, an ‘IN YOUR FACE’ thought. I have however made a pact with myself to ‘try to’ no longer engage in gossip, I will keep you posted on how I go.

The catalyst for my newfound feelings of wanting to be kind was kicked off after I started following the Dalai Lama on twitter. By golly that guy is enlightened. I adore every word he speaks and am in total awe of his obvious inner peace and genuine kind spirit. I want to be just like him. Just in my own threads.

So I started thinking how nice it would feel to be filled with feelings of kindness and sincerity rather than judgmental thoughts and cynicism. There is only one way to find out, and it starts with me. I have discovered that it is not difficult, it is catching and it sure feels a lot nicer than nastiness.

My own little list of steps to be kinder:

One...If I have nothing nice to say, zip it.

Two...Be considerate when using sarcasm – the jibe may actually hit closer to home than I realise for the other person.

Three...Go out of my way to be kind. One morning recently at the supermarket I pulled a trolley out of the trolley rack and saw a lady having trouble retrieving a trolley. I gave her mine. Simple gesture, she was chuffed.

Four...Don’t judge. We all do things differently.

Five...If I have an issue with someone close, tell them (not another).

Six...And the most difficult of all, do not engage in gossip.

I read somewhere recently that “It is human nature to gossip” but I don’t think that makes it right. Sure, commenting on someone’s achievement to another or giving one’s opinion on another’s circumstances, or commenting on someone’s behaviour and the like seems harmless enough, or is it? I would like to think those people that I hold dearest - my family and my closest friends - would not engage in gossip about me. But then maybe that is the naive dreamer side of me. I have come to accept I cannot change the fact people will engage in gossip, and quite possibly about me. I have also after much thought realised we gossip or engage in chit-chat about others often due to our own insecurities or envy or jealousy, namely negative feelings. There really is not a lot I can do to change that. I can however change how I react to gossip, and I can certainly not engage in it about others. Easy said, but actions do speak louder than words.

I can truthfully say I have no desire or inclination to speak a bad word about my family. I don’t have bad thoughts about them and I guess thoughts proceed to discussion therefore the urge to speak ill of them does not exist for me. Time to put my money where my mouth is with all others.

In the words of the Dalai: “If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.”

Peggy