Upward

Image by Theo Gosselin

Friendships can be a tricky thing. Most grievances I hear from others are about misunderstandings with friends, brought about mostly by disappointment in another when expectations are not met. I don’t like expectations. Expectations only ever lead to disappointment. I approach my friendships differently, I never, ever expect anything. And in return I always find I am pleasantly surprised.

I have had the same four best friends for all of my adult life. They are very different characters, with very different backgrounds and upbringings. Each of them brings joy into my life in their own very unique way. One friend I can share my deepest fears and secrets with. We can whittle away hours and hours just talking and laughing and sharing. She is the one who gets me, who really gets me. And she celebrates who I am without judgement, in fact she encourages even my silliest sides. I can call her in despair and an hour later she has reminded me of the good in any situation or consoled me through the bad. Another friend I’ve known since birth. She knows absolutely everything about my childhood and why I am the person I am today. We have history, she is the one familiar thing throughout my entire life along with my family. My third bestie is a crazy girl who I met and loved instantly as a naive and untravelled 23 year old. She would be one of my soul mates, I have learned so many life lessons from her. She was by my side during one of my darkest times of my 20s and she single-handedly kept my head above water. We don’t talk for months and yet when we get on the phone it’s like I saw her yesterday. We have been to some crazy places and done some crazy things. A true, lifelong mate. My fourth best friend is an inspiration, she aspires to be herself and I love that about her. We connect in a way best friends do, we just do. All four of these girls bring something into my life like no other, they are all unique and I often think how amazingly fortunate I am that they choose to be around me.

From my mid 20s I started to rely less on relationships. I started to enjoy my own company and found I didn’t need to be with another to be happy. Over the years I have found I enjoy my own company more and more. I love to sit at a café on my own, I like going to the cinema solo, and I can walk into a bar on my own and spend an hour by myself. No problem, I enjoy it. I often notice people rely heavily on others and find comfort in numbers, that’s not a bad thing, but it’s the total opposite to me. Whereby I love to spend hours with girlfriends and always walk away wiser and happier for it, I don’t need to be with others to enjoy my time. Christopher McCandless aka Supertramp hit the nail on the head for me with this quote: “You are wrong if you think that the joy of life comes principally from the joy of human relationships. God’s place is all around us, it is in everything and in anything we can experience. People just need to change the way they look at things.” This resonates heavily with me. I think the expectation of others to make us happy is only going to wind up in disappointment. Friendships will sweeten the ride sure, but they shouldn’t be the basis of happiness in our day-to-day lives. Well so I think.

When I hit 40 I started to realise I disliked drama. I made a conscious effort to remove anything toxic from my life. There are some people and situations we cannot avoid, granted. However if I have the power to not involve myself in someone else’s drama then that’s what I will do. I avoid drama. I avoid grumblings and negativity and moods. God I hate moods. I have little time for the niceness one minute and the grumps the next, I avoid that too. And one thing I really learned when I hit 40 was that it is totally in my power to choose who I want to be around. Those folks that constantly complain about their life but do little to change it? Avoid. Those folks that gossip incessantly about their loved ones? Avoid. Those folks that belittle others to satisfy their own insecurities? Avoid. And it really is that simple. Your life, your power, your choice.

As I grow up (I am still growing) I realise time truly is precious. I don’t want to devote my time to toxic friendships or toxic people, I just don’t. And that’s okay, that’s my choice. I want to navigate my life in the direction of all that is warm and sincere. I strive to be that way myself, and I believe you do get what you dish out. So while I am not perfect, in fact far from it, I am learning, I am trying. And it is nice to know I have such beautiful, sincere friends holding my hand along the way.