Wednesday 18 January 2012

I choose happiness


I read the best quote I have ever read the other day, by the Dalai Lama no less, on twitter. The Dalai Lama is on twitter, the social media world is right again.
 "The key to human happiness lies within our own state of mind, and so too do the primary obstacles to that happiness."
So how I read this is, it is up to you whether you want to be happy, and it is also up to you whether you choose to be unhappy. It is as simple and as complex as that. I wholeheartedly agree with this. Without trying to take any credit for the genius of this statement (when I read this I almost jumped with joy, my very thoughts in one simple statement, THANK YOU DALAI!), this is exactly how I live. 

How often do we hear people complain about being unhappy in their job, in their relationship, with a friendship, with their location? A job isn’t capable of making us unhappy, it’s a job, our happiness relies on us. There will always be factors about others that we don't necessarily enjoy or don’t understand, and in the workplace we are not choosing who we work with; it isn’t like how we choose to hang around with our friends. So the way I see it we have a choice to nitpick the bad points in the very people around us and make ourselves miserable at something we cannot change or, we can see their good points. Is there much we can do about the unsavoury sides of people? No there isn’t. Can we increase our own tolerance and accept that not everyone will be our ideal person to be around? Yes, yes we can. And in the workplace this is paramount to remaining focused on what we’re actually there for, to get a job done. If the job itself makes you unhappy, you do have the option to leave. There is always the option to leave. Just know that when you do move workplace there will be, surprise surprise, people you don’t particularly enjoy working with and surprise surprise, aspects of the job you don’t enjoy. Again, a person’s happiness cannot be determined by a job, it is up to the individual to decide whether they will be happy despite the job. The primary obstacles Dalai Lama talks about, as I read it, are in our own mind.
How often do we let relationships determine our happiness? Many factors that we think ‘make’ us unhappy don’t, we allow ourselves to be unhappy. I don’t actually think another person has the power to make me unhappy. If I am unhappy in a relationship I damn well say so. I have the same best friends I have had most of my life, I don’t intend on spending quality time with people I have trouble enjoying being around. If I had a friendship that made me miserable I would quite simply end the friendship. Simple. I choose happiness over drama, I choose happiness over unhappiness. And before you think that makes me fickle, think again. It is my choice to be happy, it is my choice.
After a series of sad events about 8 years ago, I naturally went through a difficult time of grief and loss and learning to deal with those emotions that were new to me. I didn't cope well. But as time went on I realised there wasn't much I could do to change the past. Now it wasn't in any way easy, and I am sure people have been through much, much worse, but I dealt with it the best I could. I had unhappy days, maybe even weeks and months, however eventually I did make a choice to deal with the sad emotions and difficult feelings. I think ultimately we do have that choice. Circumstances or traumatic events that involve sadness aren't easy to just switch off, but I think when dealing with every day, lifelong happiness, it is a choice we all share.
I got this when I was younger, although I handled things very differently to how I do now. In my 20s I took a flight response to anything I didn’t like or that made me unhappy. When I became miserable in my first relationship I bolted. When a job bored me, I moved jobs. When a place bored me, I moved to another. I wasn’t one to hang around and be miserable, however the only fault with that was I didn’t really do much to try and improve the situation first before I bolted, and we all know it is sometimes possible to improve a situation. As I have matured I have acquired patience that allows me to try to resolve issues that bore me or that start to be a cause of unhappiness. I see aspects of my job and other areas of my life that I find challenging as just that, a challenge. But I don't let them determine my happiness. 
This is why I am happy. I choose to be.

20 comments:

  1. Wise WISE words! I completely agree and it is most definitely the monsters in our heads getting in the way of what we want most of the time. Great post - very well said xx

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    1. Very true Bridget, our mind can be our own worst enemy. But it can also be our best friend, if we let it. :) xo

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  2. Love this post Peggy and very timely for me right now. Such simple words that sometimes get hidden amongst the muddle we create in our very own heads.

    My mantra for the day I think.

    xx

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    1. Good mantra indeed Kellie, gotta love the Dalai Lama's wisdom. I think we all need reminding that happiness is indeed possible, we just need to allow it.

      I'm glad it resonated for you. xo

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  3. Peggy, this is just so true!

    My Dad says this all the time!

    I may have to refer to him as Papa Dalai from now on :)

    You're a wise woman Peggy xx

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    1. Papa Dalai is onto it!

      I sometimes have these thoughts but I can't put them into words. Like I live it, but I can't voice it. Dalai voiced it for me, just brilliant. xo

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  4. I LOVE this post Peggy. Beautifully written and I completely agree with you. I wrote a bit about the exact same thing yesterday after I spent time with the Gyuto Monks of Tibet.
    I also choose happy. It's liberating! :) xx

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    1. You spent time with monks Amelia? Wow, I would be very interested to hear more about that. Happy is liberating, so very liberating. And inexpensive and totally accessible. Why wouldn't we accept it!?

      Heading over to read your post now. xo

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    2. Amelia I cannot see your blog, do you have it set to private?

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    3. No I don't... not sure why you can't see it?
      http://www.weddingsbabieseverything.blogspot.com
      Hope it worked for you. :) xx

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  5. I LOVE this post - this is what I believe and how I try to live too !!!!

    I always enjoy reading something that someone else has written that says exactly what I feel because then I don't feel quite so alone and different anymore !

    Have a great day - love, hugs and positive energy.
    Me

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    1. You're not different, just awesome. :) Did you know that very few people actively seek out happiness, as in in its raw, natural form (not entertainment and material possessions)? True story. Many plod along thinking a new job, a new car, more money, a new house etc will bring them happiness. I'm so very grateful I have an understanding on what happiness truly is and that I can in fact live it.

      Love, hugs and positive energy to you too. xo

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    1. Thank you Shar, I do like the truth. :)

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  7. The way I see it, happiness is more decision that it is feeling. A bit like love.

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    1. Brilliant! You're spot on. I like that Lisa. :)

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  8. Yes yes and yes Peggy, this all makes incredible sense. I firmly believe this knowledge can only come with age, as I didn't realise alot of it when I was younger. I look at my nieces now, some of them in similar positions to what I was at the same age and I wish I could just "tell" them the path to choose. Alas, I cannot. They have to make the mistakes and go through the joys and pain themselves. One thing I would like to add to your amazing post and something I have realised also, is that we often place too much emphasis on 'others' to make us happy. This can never work. My Mama used to tell me this from a very young age. She said it was important to be comfortable in oneself and content with your own company. Naturally, we will always love our family and friends, but at the end of the day, reliance on ourselves is the most empowering thing we can have :o) Sorry for the novel Peggy ;o) xo

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    1. I love novels Jules. :) Awesome response. I too agree about the emphasis we place on others to make us happy. I was bad for this in my 20s, I felt like I needed to be entertained to be happy. But you're right, no-one could have told me otherwise, it is something I had to learn in my own time. If only we knew then what we know now huh?! I agree with your Mum, if we are happy within ourselves everything else including relationships are just topping. And how much more do we enjoy the topping when we are genuinely happy within ourselves?! Well said Mama of Julie! xo

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  9. You've hit the nail on the head, Peggy, I so agree.

    I'm one of those annoying always cheerful people. Because I choose to be. I went through an incredibly difficult period a few years back, clinical depression to the point of mental breakdown and being practically comatose. Sedated with valium. Ugh. But the upside of hitting ROCK BOTTOM was that after that...every little pleasure was an absolute joy. It's all about how you CHOOSE to see things!

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    1. That must have been very difficult Laura, I sympathise with people who suffer depression. I haven't suffered depression however I have been through the blues at various times, that feeling of being disconnected is debilitating. Having a healthy and happy head space is definitely something I am very grateful for. I thank my lucky stars every single day.

      I am glad you have come out the other end appreciative of the small pleasures. That's lovely. There is nothing quite like the small pleasures. :)

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