Monday 23 January 2012

The brief moment I forgot about self-love


So I spent most of Sunday afternoon whinging in my own head. I was knee deep in cleaning my overgrown and very messy garden and I was complaining to myself. I was rushing and trying to get it done quickly so I could go to the beach and enjoy one of my two days off with my boys. I felt resentful. Why do I have to work full time? How did my Mum ever do it all? I could feel my brow frowning as I raced through a mile long list of jobs in my to-do list in my head.


At one point I went inside and my 10 year old asked me ‘Mum, are you finished with your work yet?’ and I asked what he needed. He responded with ‘Oh nothing, I just want you to sit down.’ At that very moment something clicked. Why wasn’t I sitting down? Why weren’t we perched at the beach? I had succumbed to my own head telling me these things just HAD to be done. Did they? Not really but honestly my garden has been bugging me with its messiness, weeds, overgrown grasses and hedges for some time now. And although mowing the lawn doesn’t bother me, it’s the general maintenance that irks me. I clean, we have a storm, it's messy again. For a split second I pondered paying a gardener to come in and do it for me. But then my Mum said something very simple about how she managed it all – she used to just do what had to be done. It had to be done, but it didn’t have to be done today. I had talked myself into thinking all this work needed doing today, and yet I didn’t want to do it.

We often do that to ourselves, us busy mums. We think we need to have it all down pat – the clean house, the washing folded, the garden looking fabulous. But at the crux of my thinking and my priorities is quality time with my boys. Do I really care that my garden looks messy? Not really. Do others care? Who cares! I barely spend any time out there and no-one else needs to either. So unless I am prepared to pay someone to maintain it for me (which I am not*), I need to wear the fact that it simply isn’t my priority. And I can live with that.

Later on in the evening as I was enjoying BBQ maron cooked by my husband, I started to wonder, why was I whinging? Is there anything I can do to change it? No there isn’t. I work full-time, I have a garden that needs maintaining, I hate paying people to do something I can do myself. I do have the choice of paying someone, but I choose not to. Problem solved. Time to stop complaining.

I also remembered at that point that I once wrote an eBook reminding busy working mums about applying self-love to their every day. And I was further reminded when I woke up this morning to see a post by Sonia at Life, Love and Hiccups talking about having a guilt free weekend after reading said eBook! Next Sunday I won’t be in the garden if I don’t want to be. I will instead be at the beach with my boys. And the weeds will be there when I get home.


*This refers to general upkeep. I did however turn a corner today on finally getting in a professional to do my backyard reno which I have been thinking about doing myself for a good two or so years. Sometimes I think we have to pay someone to do some things. See that? Self-love back in full force!

18 comments:

  1. This resonates with me so much Peggy. There used to be a time when the weekends became more like a 'work' days (instead of a break) and we would get to Sunday evening and be utterly exhausted after doing things we thought had to be done! The approach now is very much about trying to get 'work' done during the week and weekends are purely for family stuff and the odd chores that we would probably classify as enjoyment anyway :-) Mel

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    1. Mel that is EXACTLY the pattern I have found myself in, working all weekend and come Sunday night I am wishing for another day off. I have started to do stuff throughout the week this week and am already feeling more relaxed about it all. I think this will work. :)

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  2. Taking a leaf out of your very own book - I like it!!
    I'm always striving for that balance between accomplishment and contentment.
    It's all in the timing because achieving and completing tasks does bring me happiness too and frees my mind/heart to enjoy quality time with the people I love - without guilt or work hanging over me.
    :-) x

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    1. Yes Shar, how did I forget what I myself wrote! Luckily I was quickly reminded. :)

      I agree, when I would scrub the abode on the weekend I did enjoy the fact it was spotless, it is a relaxing feeling when everything is finally done. I think now if I space out the jobs ie clean a bit every night, I will have less to accomplish on my days off so feel less pressure to decide over beach time or staying home to mop the floors! ;)

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  3. You keep wondering how I managed to do it all! What you are forgetting that when you where a child, I could drop you and your friends at the local pool and knowing that you were safe, can't do that these days. You forget that you were able to ride your bike around the neighbourhood, I didn't have to be with you all the time which left me the time to do what had to be done. For all you young mothers, it's so much harder. Your children can't walk to school and back home on their own, all that takes a lot of your time. What I'm saying is that it's much harder to be a parent than what it was then. I take my hat off for you all young mothers xxoo

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    1. You're a beautiful being. How lovely. Thank you, I'll remember this on the days I am trying to find more hours in the day. Thanks Mum for the reminder. :) xo

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  4. I hear you Peggy! I work full time, I have a house and a garden to maintain, and I won't pay someone to do work that I am capable of doing. SO I make a decision that I may not always enjoy the work itself, but I do love to see the results! I don't believe I would get the same satisfaction if my effort was in writing a cheque. And yes, what I don't get done will wait for me! :-)

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    1. Exactly right Lisa, I need to learn to just accept some days I don't feel like cleaning pavers or pulling out weeds. And that's ok. It's about reducing the expectation I place on myself to have everything perfect. It already is perfect anyway. :)

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  5. Great post Peggy Thanks for the reminder.
    I came over from Sonia's at LIfe, Love and Hiccups and really needed this reminder you've given today.
    My garden is a mess, but for now, it can wait! Thank You.

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    1. Hello Nat, thanks so much for popping over!

      I won't judge if your garden is a mess, I judge myself but I'm working on that. Funny thing is, I procrastinate by nature, I need to start procrastinating more about my yard and less about how to spend my downtime.

      Nice to hear from you. :)

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  6. Very true that most women/mums feel like we have to have everything down pat. I know I do that all the time and catch myself tidying the kitchen rather than playing with my kids. A good reminder to slow down, thanks!

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    1. Hi Anna, it is about slowing down isn't it, and enjoying the small moments instead of trying to do it all. I too need to remind myself of that sometimes. I am much better than a few years ago when I barely sat down on the couch some weekends, always looking for something to keep me active and productive. Moments to do nothing are much more important than a weed-free garden in my opinion. :)

      Lovely to hear from you. xo

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  7. Oh this speaks volumes to me Peggy. I regularly tie myself in knots over the housework and when I eventually come to my senses, I always decide on the same thing... exactly what you've said here, it can wait! You are so right, no one even remotely cares if your garden is ship shape or your clothes are folded. They're just unrealistic pressures we place on ourselves. Hope you get out and enjoy next weekend with your boys :o) xo

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    1. So true Jules, unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves, no-one else places them! I will most definitely be at the beach this weekend, in fact I'll be there this afternoon! :) xo

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  8. I don't even realise I'm doing this half the time. As always, reading this has served as a great reminder.

    But I am especially glad to have read the comment from your Mum too. That is a good point and it makes me feel much better.

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    1. Teresa isn't Mum's comment just lovely, what a nice reminder. She has mentioned this to me before about how much more time mums of her generation had with the freedom kids had.

      I too forget I am doing this, and last weekend my whinging in my head was the catalyst for stopping those expectations I put on myself in their tracks. I feel much better now. :)

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  9. Leisa Flanigan7:27 am GMT+8

    Lovely post. Have a relaxing Australia Day :)

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    1. Thank you Leisa. I hope you have a relaxing Australia Day too. :)

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