You may be aware that I am an avid but very
amateur (ie I just wing it and have had no formal training - yet) photographer. I am in the early stages of learning about the craft that
is photography, and am inspired every day by beautiful images. One photographer
who has caught my attention is the very talented Finnish photographer
Krista Keltanen. Oh my stars, just look at her dreamy photos!
You can find more of Krista's beautiful images on her website and blog, and you can follow her on Facebook. For your daily glimpse of whimsy I suggest you head on over there, stat!
Well here we are, in the second part of 2012. How
fast do the days go by?! Only eight months ago I was planning to pursue
my dream of working part time so I could focus on writing, and I now have
merely 4-6 weeks of work left. I am so very excited. So excited.
I look back at the first half of 2012 with
extreme pride, sadness, joy, relief and happiness, so much has happened that I
am baffled at the velocity at which time flies by. I feel like I blinked and
here we are. That inspires me, the fact that time eludes us and passes by so quickly. It inspires me to make the most of every day. It
inspires me to grab life by the lapels and push fear aside to do what it is
that brings most joy into my life. I have also undergone some serious life
changes and although change is good it hasn’t always been easy. Taking each day as it
presents itself with as much positivity as I can muster is how I get by,
tomorrow is a new day and I don’t want to waste today worrying about that which
I cannot change.
The day I decided to pursue my dream I wrote this post. “A year from now you will wish you had started today.” Even six months on
from the start of the year I am seriously chuffed I acted when I did. I would
be disappointed in myself if I reached December 2012 and I was still sitting in
the same spot, thinking about my
dream. Life is long, and I want to ensure mine is full of passion and dreams
that come to fruition, I don’t want to wake up every day and plod through life
feeling uninspired and find myself settling. I want excitement and fire in my belly, and
the only one responsible for that is me. It all starts at me.
Fittingly I started my first writing course this week. I am completing my first assessment today on the first day of the other half of this year, and the rest of my life.
If you are putting your dreams into action, what
was it that inspired you to leap?
Some mornings I make my way down to the river
near my home and I just sit for five minutes and ponder. Clearing my head of
the rush and the craziness of the morning before I set off for work, I love to
take in the stillness of the water and just be in that very moment. It is my
five minutes where I am not preparing my child for school, or myself for work, nor am I answering phone calls or checking mail or fighting the traffic or listening to music. It is
my five minutes to just be.
This morning during my five minutes I noticed an
elderly man walking his dog. He approached me on the footpath, stopped to call
his dog, turned and smiled warmly at me, then went on his way. A few things
went through my head as I was watching him – who is he and where did he come
from? Where is he going? Is he happy, what stories could he share with me if we
sat down for an hour? What are his regrets, his joys, his loves? I often watch
elderly folks and I find myself curiously wondering what they could share about
their lifetime.
Life brings with it is so many challenges, once
we move past one challenge another fills its place. In between the challenges we
have joys and accomplishments, we have moments that will create our favourite
and most treasured memories. Our days are made up of millions of moments, some
of the smallest ones will be the ones we will remember and cherish for the rest
of our days. With all its complexities life brings with it so many miracles
that we will one day look back on with joy in our hearts and a smile on our face.
Today this gentleman had the most genuinely happy smile, he seemed content.
After everything we go through will the moment walking the dog by the river on
a cold winter morning where you smile at a stranger and mean it be the moment
you look forward to all your life? A moment of contentment, a moment of
solitude and peace.
Is he content? I have no idea, but I like to think so. I look at elderly
people and often imagine they are content. I don’t imagine I would like to look
back in 30 years from now and still be worrying about what someone thought of
me way back when, or remember the anxiety I felt over a job or money or
something someone said that offended me at the time. So this makes me wonder,
why worry about those things now? Why would I waste time feeling anxious about
something I cannot change or control? Why would I stay in a situation I am
unhappy in? Every choice I make is mine, where I am right now is where I want
to be, where I have found myself through choices I myself have made. The frustrating
drivers who can’t merge on the freeway every morning won’t be significant in
any way in 30 years from now, neither will the friend who treated me badly or
the person who cut me off and took my car bay in the shopping centre carpark, so
why now? Why do we allow such seemingly insignificant incidents and people
affect us in moments when we could instead be enjoying the very things that actually mean something to us, the very things that warm our soul and make our hearts happy? This has been my thought process for some time now, and I
love the result. I don’t sweat the small stuff, I am more focused on the good
stuff and my days are much more enjoyable for it.
In 30 years from now when I am walking the dog by the river on a cold winter morning and I turn to smile at a young lass who is sitting and enjoying her five minutes, I hope she sees how content I am.
"Even
if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit
there." ~Will Rogers
I am so inspired. That fire in the belly I wrote
about here is roaring with gusto and life. The spark has been ignited like never before and is
burning bright. I can see the path ahead of me, clear as day. I don’t know where it leads to but I do know it will be full of excitement and inspiration. I don’t
know how I know, I just do.
No more than a week ago I got the great news that
I could reduce my full time day job down to part time, very part time as in two
days a week. The spare days I would usually be working will be spent pursuing my love of writing. I have to admit I am not rolling in money, nor am I probably even
going to be able to cover my living expenses on time at the start, but somehow
I am not afraid. I am nervous with excitement, but not afraid. I was more
afraid of not taking the leap and slowly dying inside living as is expected rather than how I truly want to. A wise friend told me
that when we follow our authentic self and do what our heart truly desires, the
money will follow. I liked that statement, I trust it. Strangely I am not
afraid.
In less than a week I have booked myself into a
writing course that commences in less than two weeks. I sat staring at the screen about
to register myself and for a split second my false self threw in the thought
of “but, it’s so soon, will you have time?” I immediately clicked on the 'register' button. My false self has no place here in the land of my dreams. No place. I
also have a photography course booked with a very dear friend of mine. We will
spend the day out and about with photographers, learning and being inspired. I like where this
is heading.
So if you wake up one day and your false self
taunts you saying you cannot follow your dreams, tell it to rack off. Of course you
can. I am. And I have no back up plan, no secret savings account to fall back
on, no rich daddy to throw money my way when things get tight. But I do have
the fire in my belly. And I can assure you, that fire makes me feel more alive
than security ever did.
I have been talking for a while about putting my dream into motion. I made the conscious decision to act on my dream 7 months ago, as I wrote here. I couldn’t share too much earlier on about how I would achieve my dream as the bulk of how it would eventuate was relying on my full time job. I don’t blog about my job, I keep my personal and work life very separate, and my blog is about me on a personal level. I rarely talk about my day once I leave the office let alone write about it. However to share my joyous news I am going to partially break my own no-talking-about-work pact.
To give you an insight, I co-own a small business. I also work there full time. I have worked full time since I left high school, some ten years ago. Ok, over two decades ago (I’m 41, yeah whatever). 23 years to be exact, 23 years of full time employment. I am exhausted. I’m done. I am sociable by nature so I love going in to spend the day with my colleagues and staff, but I have reached a point where I simply want to be home more. I want to not have to spend five mornings a week rushing around preparing for my day in the office. I don't want to ride that treadmill anymore, jumping on as the alarm goes off and jumping off at bedtime every weeknight. I didn’t take maternity leave or have a year at home after my son was born, I went back to work weeks after his birth. I have missed assemblies and school excursions. I haven’t had the opportunity to pick my child up from school every day. I haven’t had the opportunity to be able to cook dinner before 6pm on weekdays. I haven’t had the opportunity to come home after the school run and enjoy my morning coffee or make my bed at a leisurely pace rather than flinging the doona over as I am trying to find something to wear. I’ve missed all that. My choice, but it hasn’t been easy.
Enter my blog. I started my blog on a whim July last year and it has been the catalyst for me realising my love of writing. I came to the realisation last year that the one thing I want to do every day is write. I want to focus on myself, my home and my child. I want to focus on spending my day pleasing my soul. I am not a ‘carer’ by nature (you know, those kinds of people who just love to mother others and love to go out of their way to make sure others are happy?) and yet I have wound up in roles whereby the majority of my responsibility was caring for others and ensuring others' needs were met. Now it’s my turn.
Today I received the best news I could have imagined. My request to change my full time management role to a part-time business role, two days a week, was granted. I cannot tell you how happy my heart is. I can’t even start to imagine what this means for me and my dream. I will have three days (maybe two, I might give myself an extra day off) to concentrate on my writing. I can take photos and get stuck into my love of food photography. I might even do that graphic design course I have been dreaming of. And I can attend school assembly if I want and pick my child up from school. I can shower at noon if I like. I probably will.
I felt terribly scared of this move when I first started to think about it. What if I don’t get enough work, what if I can’t pay my mortgage? I will, somehow I will. All I know is that if I continued on doing what my heart was no longer passionate about I would slowly die inside. And my creative soul wasn’t letting me get away with that.
I am a dreamer, always have been. I used to
whittle away hours daydreaming as a kid. Eden (my favourite blogger of all time
y’all!) from over at Edenland recently wrote "I don't like the physical world .. I much prefer the world inside us." I love how her words make
sense. I wouldn’t have been able to articulate that very feeling, but Eden did.
Perfectly. I hibernate inside my own head a lot of the time, the real world is
too negative a place for me at times. And too real.
Most recently I have put my dreaming to good use.
I woke up one day about 7 months ago (16 November 2011 to be exact - I penned the date down) and
realised the dreams I have need traction. The dreams I have will remain only as
dreams unless I do something about it. The dreams I have are in fact attainable
and the only thing stopping me, is me. So I grabbed a pen and paper, and simply wrote down my dreams. Just like that. I wrote them as they fell out of
my head, in dot point form, without pause. No frills. No pretty doodling to
make it look fancy, just blue ink on white paper. My dreams in words. I wrote two things I want
to do, a list of what I need to do to get there, and some driving words.
I looked back at my dreams scrawled on paper today and realised I have
done exactly what I set out to do. Fast forward seven months and every choice I
have made has been with my dreams in mind. I have made a seriously, SERIOUSLY
scary career altering decision that will change everything that gives me
financial security and financial freedom. It will change my life as I have
known it for the past 23 years, the time that I have worked full time. It will
freak the shit out of me the day I leap without wings, thinking about it makes
the pit of my stomach bubble with excitement, nervous excitement. But they’re
my dreams and I want them to materialise into reality. So as terrifying as the
thought is, I need to leap.
I often talk of chasing dreams. It has been the
essence of my thought process for years now, wanting to wake up in the morning
and feel excitement at what my ‘working’ day has in store. Real, gut churning excitement. Wanting to do
what my heart truly desires – write.
And then I get an email advising a magazine
article I submitted recently will be published next month.
If you are at first
lonely, be patient. If you've not been alone much, or if when you were, you
weren't okay with it, then just wait. You'll find it's fine to be alone once
you're embracing it.
We could start with
the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you
can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and
stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You're not
supposed to talk much anyway so it's safe there.
There's also the
gym. If you're shy you can hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put
headphones in.
And there's public
transportation, because we all gotta go places.
And there's prayer
and meditation. No one will think less if you're hanging with your breath, seeking peace and salvation.
Start simple. Things
you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principals.
The lunch counter.
Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees that only have an hour
and their spouses work across town and so they - like you - will be alone.
Resist the urge to
hang out with your cell phone.
When you are
comfortable with eat, lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant
with linen and silverware. You're no less intriguing a person when you're
eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your
finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.
Go to the movies, where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting
community. And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one
knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more
and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one's watching...because,
they're probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human
intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and
affecting. Dance until you're sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of
life's best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.
Go to the woods
alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar
city, roam the streets, there’re always statues to talk to and benches made for
sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these
moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone
on benches might've never happened had you not been there by yourself.
Society is afraid of
alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must
have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. But lonely is a freedom
that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.
You could stand,
swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further
and farther in the endless quest for company. But no one's in your head, and by
the time you translate your thoughts some essence of them may be lost or
perhaps it is just kept.
Perhaps in the
interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over
to high school's groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cos if
you're happy in your head then solitude is blessed and alone is okay.
It's okay if no one
believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses,
can't think like you, for this be relieved, keeps things interesting, life’s
magic things in reach.
And it doesn't mean
you aren't connected, that community’s not present, just take the perspective
you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. Take
silence and respect it. If you have an art that needs a practice, stop
neglecting it. If your family doesn't get you, or a religious sect is not meant
for you, don't obsess about it.
You could be in an
instant surrounded if you need it.
Some months ago I submitted my very first article
to MAEVE Magazine. MAEVE is an online magazine all about ‘raising a new
generation of inspired, conscientious, creative, mindful and thoughtful little
people’. I was inspired the first time I read it, it was like I'd come across every writer's best little secret. I just love trawling through it
reading all the wonderful articles. I was very, VERY pleasantly surprised to
receive an email response after emailing my article saying it would feature in
their Autumn edition. I was genuinely expecting a ‘thanks but no thanks’
response, which I would have been entirely happy with considering this was my
very first submission ever! I was proud purely that I had pushed any fear aside and
submitted it anyway, but to get a positive response was truly exciting.
If you have never read MAEVE Magazine I highly
recommend you do so. You’ll see articles written by some amazingly talented
writers and bloggers. And the design and photos are just beautiful. The
creative force behind MAEVE is one talented Jodi Walker. A little birdie tells
me she designs and creates the entire magazine herself. Amazing. How proud am I to be a
part of it!
To have a read head here, I would suggest you pour yourself a drink and scroll through the entire magazine, it's just beautiful. If you want to read my article click on 'SELF LOVE" on the menu.
I have just started reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I am always intrigued and inspired by others who seek out happiness. What inspires one to decide today is the day they will be happy forever more? Are some people naturally happy and don’t need to seek it out?
I don’t recall being overly happy throughout my early 20s. I had a great life, I had freedom and money and good things happened to me. But I wasn’t perpetually ‘happy’. I enjoyed myself yes, but was I content and happy with my choices and my life’s path? Not entirely. I didn’t know that then, I just thought happiness was a great night out with friends, a decent closet and nonstop travels. I didn’t differentiate between entertainment and enjoyment. In fact I barely gave it a second thought.
As I have matured (I’M 41 NOW PEOPLE!) I have noticed my quest for true happiness has become an ongoing state whereby I spend every waking hour being aware of the small moments. I don’t seek out happiness so to speak, I simply enjoy each moment and see the happy-inducing stuff in those moments. My son’s smile. A sunny sky. A laugh with loved ones. An afternoon of no agenda, doing nothing. I wonder sometimes if others see me as insipid; I’m floating around smiling at the air around me, lapping up the joy and the wonderful moments as they happen. It’s exciting to bits in my own head, I actually have little outbursts of euphoria whereby my heart flutters and my tummy gets filled with butterflies, but on the outside the excitement is not noticeable. I wonder sometimes if I am dreaming, I wonder if these moments of happiness are all in my head. Are they?
In her book Gretchen Rubin talks about turning every day moments into happy moments. I get this. I found myself nodding at her words. She made a conscious decision to stop the negative internal monologue. I pity people that allow and encourage that negative internal monologue, personally I hate and avoid it. It makes me want to punch it in the head – take that negativity, go be negative elsewhere! I choose to be positive and enjoy my days, as that is what makes me smile. Think of a time you have had negative thoughts and I bet you weren’t smiling.
Happiness is a choice, and just like every other choice of action we make in our lives, it is a choice only the individual can make.
I have always wanted to help others. I have an awareness of those less fortunate and every so often a cause that helps others grabs my attention. I sponsored my first World Vision child about 15 years ago. It’s a small contribution but I take comfort in knowing I do something.
One cause that has really grabbed my attention is Cate Bolt’s Foundation 18. I have mentioned Cate Bolt before, to say I admire her work is a severe understatement. She first got my attention on twitter with her sharp wit, she is a special soul. She is bright and oozes awareness. And then on top of that she is sincere and compassionate and so very inspiring. I have much to learn from Cate. In a post on her personal website she wrote that she flew herself to Bali on her first trip outside of Australia and gave herself 16 days to "establish, furnish, staff and populate an orphanage". She does not muck around. She achieved that. Read this post, it will rip your heart out and make you want to smack yourself across the face with it for not being aware of this earlier. I did.
I showed my son Foundation 18's Ringdikit project. He understood that these beautiful girls would be living on the street, without a fridge full of food or even a bed to sleep on. No school, no parents. He was touched and offered to contribute ALL his pocket money each month. We negotiatied and agreed on half of his monthly pocket money. What a good egg. He may complain about school some days but knowing that there are kids much younger than him living on the street without the choice of going to school made him think. I love that Cate raises that kind of awareness, we need more like her.
Leading up to my birthday I decided this month I would endeavour to contribute more to the Ringdikit project. For the month of March all proceeds from the sales of my eBook will be contributed to Foundation 18. $5 that will get you a copy of my eBook The Self-Love Guide for the Working Mum, and feed a family on Cate’s project enough rice for an entire week. A WEEK OF RICE. How could you not want to spend $5 for that? And if you don’t want or need my eBook please head over and make a small donation to Foundation 18, they will appreciate it tremendously.
If you want to raise awareness with your little ones why not get them involved. You can subscribe for monthly payments of $10, such a small contribution goes such a long way. Ringdikit relies heavily on the kindness of others, I don't know about you but I take comfort in knowing my kindness helps another, even if only a little. I doubt we truly have any idea just how much.
I’ve had a crazy couple of weeks. Last week was INSANE! School just seems to be getting busier this year and requires more parent involvement than in past years (which I love!). Last week we had 2 normal school days, then 2 days of excursions which required drop offs and pick ups outside of school (and my old scatter brain had to remember this!) plus a day at a program my son does at another school which requires me to drive him there and back to school, along with 3 other students. Then throw work into the mix and chores and remembering to change after-school care days (of course I forgot, and they called wondering where my child was) and did I mention work and chores? Phew! It was a crazy week.
This week seems to have settled down somewhat, but my head is still all over the place. I intend on not doing too much this weekend. A coffee with girlfriends, some baking, some beaching and a lot of not much else. I went on a cleaning rampage last night so the abode is clean enough for the weekend. I decided today that tonight would kick of a whole lot of lazy. I have started it by chilling on the lounge browsing inspiring sites and images. I came across this video on one of my favourite blogs, Cakies, and it made me smile. I love seeing videos of bloggers, it's nice to be able to put a voice and facial expressions to the face. Cakies is all about the lovely and creative life of Rubyellen and her adorable family. Check it out, how bubbly and friendly is Rubyellen! You might also want to ogle her blog Cakies.
I’ve also been coming across some truly inspiring blogs these past few days. I am partial to Finnish sites, I have this inbuilt sense of pride whenever I come across one that I find inspiring. This site belonging to Krista Keltanen, a Finnish photographer, had me wide-eyed late one school night and although I knew I should have switched off and gone to bed I just couldn't drag myself away. Just beautiful.
And then today I stumbled across this lovely site. In Spaces Between is the baby of Rachel, a positively inspiring 'inspiration junkie'. Is it too early to say I love her?
How do you plan on spending your weekend? Do you sometimes decide to throw all chores aside and devote a day or two to just being? I think it's imperative. So if you need permission to do that this weekend, give it to yourself. I initially had this plan in my head which I had concocted over the course of my day, which involved lots of productivity and creativity. I had thoughts to get stuck into some food shots with my new lens (a pre-birthday gift to myself) which of course requires a heap of cooking and food prepping. And then there's the issue of the car that is about to retire and in desperate need of a replacement which means shopping. I hate shopping. But you know what, today I decided not this weekend. There is always next weekend.
