I am a walking contradiction. Not just five minutes ago I wrote a post about how awesome it is to grow up. RETRACT RETRACT. Being a grown up sucks.
Grappling with the working mum choice I made 10 years ago. Hating that I walk into a messy house after a long day at work. Hate housework. Loathing the ever-growing pile of washing. Dinner again, didn’t I just cook last night? For the most part I am a positive soul, I am the eternal optimist. But sometimes, just sometimes, I am not.
After feeling somewhat despondent about my son having grown another year and in a new year at school, I have really found it hard to focus this week. I want to stay home. I can’t afford to stay home. I like my job but I am tired. I am tired of working fulltime after 23 years straight (ok I did have 3 months off to travel in my 20s and a couple of months post-birth, let’s just call it 22.5 years). Feeling motivated about much has been a struggle this week. Being a grown up sucks.
Then this morning, as much as I do not like wishing time away (I see a pattern here, contradiction anyone?), I woke up excited that it was Friday. And soon after I discovered I have a cold. I don’t do colds. I don’t do whingy whiney. The looming cold and its unwelcome symptoms are my excuse for my hating on being a grown up and wanting to hide under the covers this week.
So tonight I have given myself permission to once again enjoy my messy house. I am eating pizza on the lounge (NOT THE NATUZZI?!) and tapping away on my Mac with greasy fingers. I am social media-ing it ALL NIGHT LONG baby and maybe, just maybe, I will eat a family block of chocolate with my late night Nespresso. Or two.
Being a grown up sucks. But being allowed to break all my own rules might just be worth it.
know this feeling all too well peggy as a working mum. i too did the same thing last night though with corned beef instead. i am about to embark on my final attempt at some serious weightloss. i have no idea how my mind and body are going to react with my busy days. looks like my washing pile may grow even deeper yet. i need a housekeeper. it seems like any spare time i do get calls for other stuff to be done. it can get very tiring. hope you get some more feet up time this weekend. xo
ReplyDeleteThank you Veronica, I hope you do too. I am using my cold as an excuse to sloth today, I may even watch a dvd shortly (can't remember the last time I sat through a movie in its entirety).
DeleteIt is a daily balancing act this working mum thing, but I realise the less focus I put on trying to have everything looking fancy the easier it is. Also spacing chores out over each day rather than saving it all for the weekend definitely takes the pressure off. For most part I think I have it sorted, then occasionally I just want to throw my arms in the air and say I GIVE UP! My only real advice would be, the housework can wait. Spend as much of your spare time as possible doing what brings you most joy. :)
now that sounds like a great night in!!! no interruptions please! I think a regular date night with self is the way to go!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, date night with self is dreamy! Thanks Talia, it was a relaxing night indeed. :)
DeleteYou are fabulous. That's one of the best things about being a grown up - you can make (and break) your own rules.
ReplyDeleteYou are a fantastic mother and wife, and choosing a messy house and pizza for one night sounds like the perfect option! Hope you're feeling better and the cold stays away! xx
Thank you Amelia, I do feel poorly today but my head's right. It enjoyed the rest and my soul is thanking me for listening. :)
DeleteThe pizza and lounge time went down very well. Thank you for your well-wishes. xo
A lovely post. I agree that it can sometimes get a bit much, but rules are there to be broken! I hope your night in did you some good x
ReplyDeleteThank you Anna. You're right, very occasionally it does all get a bit much. But I think the key is listening to ourselves when we know we need a break and actually taking the time out. My night on the lounge definitely did the world of good. All refreshed today, albeit with a head cold but not complaining. :) xo
DeleteYes, being a grown up does suck sometimes. But getting to break all the rules makes it so worthwhile! Fairy bread for breakfast, feet on the couch, dinner in front of the tv - some of our rule-breaking!! Hope you had a lovely night last night. xxx
ReplyDeleteOh yes Kate, I love dinner on my lap on the couch! I tend to do that a bit these days. ;) And best of all is when I am having 2 minute noodles on my lap on the couch! *rebel*
DeleteI had a great night, thanks Kate. xo
It never rains, it pours, Peggy. Feeling for you and sending you hugs for a speedy recovery. Sometimes it's ok to bitch and moan, the lot of a grown up is an awful burden, that's for sure xo
ReplyDeleteIt's days like these I dream about being tucked up in bed in my Mum's house and she is cooking something yummy to cheer me up. Although, even without the cooking, my boys do a fine job at cheering me up. Must teach husband how to cook soup and buttered toast cut into fingers! ;) Thanks Jules. xo
DeleteIt does suck, Peggy. I hate the relentlessness of being responsible. I applaud you wagging grownupdom and hope you had a great night!! x
ReplyDeleteWagging grownupdom, I love it! I might have to wag grownupdom once a week I think. I had a great night, thanks Bron. Just what the soul needed. xo
DeleteI'm hoping you are feeling so much better today.
ReplyDeleteIt has been a biiig week - in many respects.
Rest up.
:-) x
Much better mentally but got a cold, nothing a day slothing about watching dvds can't fix!
DeleteI know the second week back at school won't be so daunting (for me, not the kid haha). I hope you're falling back in love with your job Shar. xo
One of the best things about being a grown up is there isn't anyone to tell you "you're not allowed" you just have to give yourself permission - I'm glad that you did. Take care and rest up hope you're on the mend next week xo
ReplyDeleteThank you Teresa. You're so right, giving ourselves permission is all it takes. I have certainly done that this weekend, enjoying the rest and doing nothing. :) xo
DeleteIts like your in my head!! I often have these days.....
ReplyDeleteI like the quote "This too shall pass" because we both know these feelings do pass & before youn know it you will be feeling positive & happy to be a grown upagain.
Be kind to yourself xx
"This too shall pass", you're so right Reannon. Funnily enough in the moment I do know it is a fleeting feeling and most times I try to ignore it knowing it will pass. But every so often I need to acknowledge it, it almost makes me feel 'normal' you know? For 99% of the time I accept I have to be responsible and take charge but every so often I would love to hide under the covers and be a kid again. Then normal transmission commences! haha
DeleteThanks Reannon, it's kind of comforting to know I am not alone. :)